Bachelor in Paradise Recap Episode 7: Jared and Caila Get Wet

Bachelor in Paradise Recap Episode 7: Jared and Caila Get Wet

Where we left off: Vinny was moving to confront Izzy about her infatuation with new arrival Brett; our MVP, Daniel, was in serious danger of not receiving a rose; Grant told Lace he loved her. Let's see if anything interesting comes of these storylines!

At the Paradise Pad

Vinny takes Izzy up to the treehouse and lays out his surprise and hurt feelings. They both start crying, and Vinny tells her he's going home. Izzy tells him to stay, but to his credit he stays the course. Knucks to you, Vinny. We've all been there, guys and girls alike.

Bachelor in Paradise Knucks

The other contestants seem to be reeling from the rapid deterioration of Vizzy, but their concerns are soon forgotten with the arrival of Jade and Tanner; contestants last season who got engaged in the finale. They have a date card to be given to the couple they deem most deserving, which they will determine through brief interviews. It's a little weird, but they don't seem entirely unqualified. They easily spot the dissonance between Grant and Lace, for example:



Not that it's hard to spot, but the bar is low for people on this show regardless of which season they participated in.

Not that it's hard to spot, but the bar is low for people on this show regardless of which season they participated in.

While Grant and Lace go argue in the pool, Josh and Amanda take their spot and say all the right things. He even calls her a good mother despite her continued willingness to desperately seek love on national television! To their credit, Jade and Tanner seem unimpressed. 

Nick and Jen get a pep talk as a new couple even in the context of this insane show before Jared and Caila answer their questions comfortably and naturally, impressing the judges quite a bit. Ashley follows and reinforces her reputation as the craziest contestant since Chad; despite her attempt at sabotage, Jared and Caila win the date card. Good for them! Normally I don't get invested in this show, but at this point I enjoy anything that shatters Ashley's delusions because I'm so tired of hearing her talk about Jared.

Later that Night

Nick and Jen grab a bottle of wine and dig into their feelings to see if there's a connection there. With minimal prodding, Nick opens up a bit and seems to make a little progress. I'll credit the wine with a solid assist on that one.

One-on-One Date: Caila and Jared

The winners of the Jade and Tanner date card start their evening discussing the Ashley problem, and mutually agree to not let the crazy woman interfere with their relationship's development. As the rain falls, they go halfway to skinnydipping, snogging in a shallow stream in their underwear. What do you call that, anyway? Undie-dunking? Cast your vote in the comments below.

Back at the Paradise Pad

We're forced to suffer through additional shots of Ashley walking down the beach, mourning Jared's happiness. She comforts herself by assuming Jared won't make a move if they make it to a fantasy suite; bad news for you, crazy Ashley:

This is the look of a couple headed for bangarang!, not a quiet night of cuddling.

This is the look of a couple headed for bangarang!, not a quiet night of cuddling.



The Morning After

Carly is swinging back towards disinterest for Evan, so the producers deliver a date card for them. Puke.

One-on-One Date: Evan and Carly

You can tell how sexually attracted Carly is to Evan by her choice of top for this date:

Do you like it? I took it off the windows of my grandmother's sitting room right before I came!

Do you like it? I took it off the windows of my grandmother's sitting room right before I came!

Fortunately for Evan, the date requires them to drop their outerwear and sit in a primitive brick sauna. After some chanting, Evan professes his feelings for Carly, who rides the pendulum back towards interested. Congratulations ABC, mission accomplished. Also, screw you for making me suffer through more Evan this season.

Back at the Paradise Pad

Ashley continues her campaign of crazy by telling Jared Caila is a robot and not awesome. Harsh words, Ashley! For some reason, Jared brings these concerns to Caila, who immediately intuits their source. Jared tries to spin Ashley's words to seem sane, but fails at this Sisyphean task. Observe the face of a man attempting to justify the actions of his crazy ex to a non-Amanda:

Jared's either 1) trying really hard to remember why he's covering for Ashley, or B) attempting to wish Ashley out of existence. Hard to say.

Jared's either 1) trying really hard to remember why he's covering for Ashley, or B) attempting to wish Ashley out of existence. Hard to say.

Caila confronts Ashley to no avail, and we're sent to "Next Week On".

This episode tallied 26 drinks according to our Bachelor in Paradise Drinking Game Rules. If the pace continues declining this way, I may have to institute a "drink every time Ashley or Evan is unbearable" rule!


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