JoJo Fletcher Bachelorette Recap Episode 7: The Fall of Lord Farquaad

JoJo Fletcher Bachelorette Recap Episode 7: The Fall of Lord Farquaad

At The Bachelor Pad

Lord Alex Farquaad, Luke, Robby, Chase-who-I-no-longer-confuse-with-Derek, Lil Rodgers, and James discuss the last rose ceremony. Alex Farquaad is struggling to cope with not being a favorite even though he at no point was. Chris Harrison drops in to run down the week and deliver a date card for Alex to have his first one-on-one. He relaxes a bit, but Chase doesn't want to hear it:

"We get it. We know you didn't get a one-on-one, and now you got it. So...shut up."

"We get it. We know you didn't get a one-on-one, and now you got it. So...shut up."



The remaining contestants board a bus to their new Bachelor Pad, and it seems open containers are allowed! So that's a big win! Even with the soothing taste of booze on public transportation, Robbie's recently identified (by me, anyway) hatred of socks continues...

Ahh, the things you notice when you watch these episodes multiple times. Dude really doesn't like socks! Still doesn't justify flip-flops though.

Ahh, the things you notice when you watch these episodes multiple times. Dude really doesn't like socks! Still doesn't justify flip-flops though.

...and they decide to rap to pass the time. Like you do. They stop at a roadside barbecue where they are concerned about the quality of the meat, clearly oblivious of ABC's investment in this show. They're not going to let all of the Bachelorette contestants get food poisoning! At least they're eating something on camera; they'll need to chipmunk away a few morsels for when they ignore the food in JoJo's presence.

Finally our group arrives at their destination: a polo club with an awesome pool!

This is the type of view I imagine Chris Harrison enjoying during his time off-camera.

This is the type of view I imagine Chris Harrison enjoying during his time off-camera.

Later in the evening, Lil Rodgers receives the second one-on-one date. He is excited, but no one else in the room is. I think Lil Rodgers has officially become the group's collective nemesis despite Alex Farquaad's insufferable behavior. This is confirmed when Luke and Chase discuss his frontrunner status and throw shade because of his relation to Big Rodgers. Luke and Chase, that's bush league. Grow up.

One on One Date with Lord Alex Farquaad

Sure was nice of them to let Farquaad sit in the middle:

 Does anyone think the producers didn't ask them to sit like this to help frame the shot? Also, JoJo copping a feel.

 Does anyone think the producers didn't ask them to sit like this to help frame the shot? Also, JoJo copping a feel.

Lord Farquaad doesn't realize it, but JoJo has mentally placed him in the Friend Zone, and it's too late in the game for him to recover. He attempts to freestyle, which wouldn't have helped his cause even if he was her favorite. No knucks for you, Farquaad. The awkwardness builds. They finally arrive at their destination, where they'll be hanging out with authentic Argentinian gauchos for the day. I don't like Lord Alex Farquaad very much, but it seems to me like he got the short end of the stick (no pun intended) with this date. Definitely with the wardrobe:

Maybe this is his punishment for being a jerk. If only justice was always so swift and effective.

Maybe this is his punishment for being a jerk. If only justice was always so swift and effective.

That outfit only further entrenches his position in the Friend Zone. In his unfortunate clothing, Lord Farquaad attempts to connect with JoJo on horseback, but their connection is far behind that of the gaucho and his horse.

Yep, that's pretty boss. Or in Spanish, "jefe". It probably isn't a direct translation, but no one on the show seems to care, so why should I?

Yep, that's pretty boss. Or in Spanish, "jefe". It probably isn't a direct translation, but no one on the show seems to care, so why should I?

They lie down for a cuddle on the horse's neck and get a little snog in. Kat would be really jealous if she watched this show.

For part two of the date, they take a seat in front of two pieces of beef they have no intention of touching; I really need to stop watching this show hungry. They have some wine and a snog before Alex opens up and tells JoJo he's falling in love with her. She doesn't reciprocate at all, which doesn't bode well.

"Yeah, umm..." is what every guy hopes to hear when he tries to appear vulnerable!

"Yeah, umm..." is what every guy hopes to hear when he tries to appear vulnerable!

JoJo wishes she could say it back, lets him down easy, and sends him on his way. Farewell, Lord Alex Farquaad; you provided less entertainment than your rival Chad, and you will not be missed. Knucks to JoJo for sending him home right away instead of dragging it out.

They share an awkward walk to the waiting vehicle, with JoJo crying and Alex shutting down entirely. Don't beat yourself up, JoJo: the angry people of the world can't be reasoned with.



The Group Date

James gives himself a pep talk in the mirror before heading off with Robby and Chase to meet JoJo for their group date. It's a little dorky, but I've found it occasionally necessary and frequently effective.

The rain has canceled their original plans, so they'll be enjoying the mini-bar and room service while playing games in the hotel room. This is also an awesome date, but less so for building a romantic connection with three separate suitors. She dares James to shove a plate of french fries in his mouth, they play charades and truth or dare, and Robbie's anti-socks crusade continues:

I might go all CSI on the earlier rose ceremonies to see if he even wears them with his suits. Also, James: try using the cushion on that chair.

I might go all CSI on the earlier rose ceremonies to see if he even wears them with his suits. Also, James: try using the cushion on that chair.

Robbie is visually and audibly intoxicated by the time he returns from "streaking" down the hallway, which is bound to happen when you spend all day on an awkward three-on-one date in a hotel room with an open bar.

JoJo and Robbie go for a walk to discuss the possibility of a hometown date, and she learns more about his most recent relationship, which ended less than six months ago. 

Chase declares his confidence and tells her he really really likes her, which might not be enough at this point. Luckily for him, JoJo claims to know what he's saying, and they snog. 

Next up is James, who directly questions the physical progress of their relationship relative to her others. She reassures him, learns a little about his family, and they too proceed to snog. 

All three guys are feeling the liquid courage as the moment of truth approaches. Robbie's frustrations with James and Lil Rodgers's frontrunner status boil over with the help of his elevated BAC. JoJo returns to the room and gives the group date rose to Robbie, guaranteeing his passage on to the Hometown Dates next week. James and Chase leave the room, giving Robbie and JoJo a chance to snog and take in the sights of a nighttime storm. James and Chase are sad pandas.

"I KNEW I shouldn't have worn socks today."

"I KNEW I shouldn't have worn socks today."

One on One Date with Lil Rodgers

Lil Rodgers wears the best casual outfit of the season to meet JoJo on an air strip.

Stupid, sexy Rodgers.

Stupid, sexy Rodgers.

They're going wine tasting, which is a very advanced date for this stage of the game. The King stay the King. They snog on the plane before entering a vineyard, feeding each other grapes, and mashing some with their feet. This is the most jealous I've been of a date so far, and they actually seem like a normal, non-Bach couple for a moment. I was jealous until they drank the wine they stepped on shortly thereafter...is that how the process is supposed to go? Pass on that part. Next up is a hot tub, where footsy can be played underwater rather than in the flavors in your glass.

Lil Rodgers says, on camera, "I can't wait to eat"! This is revolutionary on-date behavior for this show, and I'm really proud of him. Knucks, Lil Rodgers.

I don't see either of them actually touch their food, but Lil Rodgers seems to tighten his hold on the pole position by running down his family situation, including a more distanced relationship with Big Rodgers, who is apparently actually Middle Rodgers. He handles the conversation well, and moves on to address the challenges he faced as Aaron's little brother. JoJo sympathizes, and Lil Rodgers tells her he is in love with her. Not falling, not starting to see a future, actually in love. He's the second to declare, and earns some snogging for putting himself out there.

One on One Date with Luke

JoJo takes Luke to another ranch to ride some horses, playing very much to his strengths. He clearly knows what he's doing, unlike Lord Alex Farquaad. I don't understand the appeal myself, but I'm also not blind; he's scoring big points with JoJo. Knucks for being a manly man, Luke.

They shoot some clays (Luke more than JoJo, which isn't a dig - I was terrible when I tried shooting) before snogging and returning to the barn for some wine. They chat about less serious matters, snog some more, and JoJo sends Luke off to get ready for the Rose Ceremony.

The Rose Ceremony

Luke informs the men at the house that JoJo has decided to forego the cocktail party. He also becomes at least the third person on the show to say "the hay is in the barn". I think I understand the phrase based on context clues, but has this recently become a popular saying? Are there just a lot of rural people competing this season? I'm confused.

JoJo gives roses to Luke, Lil Rodgers, and Chase. JoJo shares an emotional walk with James Taylor, wherein she apologizes, they both cry, and he finally departs. If I was playing the QQ Bachelor Drinking Game this whole time, I'd either be crying along with them or laughing. Probably the latter, but you never know!

Hyperbole of The Week

"My whole life is riding on tonight." As if my metaphor about surviving these ceremonies wasn't a metaphor at all. I think you'll live, James.

"My whole life is riding on tonight." As if my metaphor about surviving these ceremonies wasn't a metaphor at all. I think you'll live, James.

Based on the new and improved QQ Bachelor(ette) Drinking Game rules, you would have taken 75 drinks this episode! We're setting a good pace now.


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