JoJo Fletcher Bachelorette Recap Episode 9: Fantasy Suites (Bangarang!)

JoJo Fletcher Bachelorette Recap Episode 9: Fantasy Suites (Bangarang!)

After leaving us a week to ponder the quandary facing JoJo, we're back to learn the fates of Luke, Lil Rodgers, Robby No-Socks, and Chase. The suspense is killing me, so let's get right to it:

JoJo continues crying on the runway as Luke returns to the Rose Ceremony. Lil Rodgers is the first to get a rose, followed by Robby No-Socks and then Chase. Luke is going home after all. It's easy to give out too much credit for doing very little on this show, but I'll give JoJo some knucks for staying the course despite Luke's last-minute gambit. 

Luke, looking both shocked and the same as usual, says farewell and pulls away without shedding any tears for the camera or the drinking game. I thought Luke was neck-and-neck with Lil Rodgers, but it seems his reluctance to talk love eight weeks into an open relationship did him in. 

JoJo and her remaining suitors are headed to Thailand for the next phase of the show, where she feels "confident in not just one relationship, but three relationships". It reminds me of the football axiom: "if you have two starting quarterbacks, you don't have one." But hey, maybe she'll gain sympathy for Bachelor Ben now that she's in his position.



One-on-One Date with Robby No-Socks

Robby (sockless) meets JoJo in Thailand and makes a joke about how hot it is. Quit whining, Robby; you're wearing a long-sleeve shirt over what appears to be a Cami Secret. With shorts. Make up your mind about the temperature before you complain about it.

Seriously Robby, what's going on here? Flip flops, shorts, and a button-down unbuttoned past an undershirt? Ugh.

Seriously Robby, what's going on here? Flip flops, shorts, and a button-down unbuttoned past an undershirt? Ugh.

Despite his fashion choices, they snog and enjoy foot massages while they wait out a storm. Robby goes fishing for a reciprocated "I love you" but comes up empty, as ABC prefers. He is ready to propose, as he has been since arriving at the Bachelor Mansion. 

Next is the "dinner" portion of the date, which JoJo opens by talking about her ex (give it a rest) before challenging Robby on his declaration of Love. To back up his claim, Robby produces a note his dad left in his pants pocket during the hometown date. Let that sink in for a bit. A man introduced a potential life partner he met on a reality television show to his parents, and one of those parents expressed his approval through a secret written note. I find this so befuddling that I lose focus until Robby accepts JoJo's invitation to the Fantasy Suite. Robby wants to be the guy "who is late to work because he doesn't want to leave her", which is cute but meaningless when your occupation is former professional swimmer. JoJo tells the camera she loves Robby, the door closes, and bangarang presumably commences.

JoJo and Robby share (or at least sit in the same bed with) breakfast, and forego discussing their future to snog. Confirmed: they haven't touched food. 

"Yes, we'll have everything on the menu, please. Good heavens no, we don't need silverware. We're not going to EAT it!"

"Yes, we'll have everything on the menu, please. Good heavens no, we don't need silverware. We're not going to EAT it!"



One-on-One Date with Lil Rodgers

Next up is our favorite Former Pro Quarterback, who hikes through a jungle with Bachelorette JoJo. They reach a cavern at the end which descends into a temple where kissing is forbidden. Lil Rodgers asks about JoJo's family, and she deceptively calls her brothers "great". Look, maybe they're just protective older brothers who don't support their little sister's decision to go on The Bachelor. That's reasonable! But Bro-ing out and accusing someone of brainwashing JoJo is a little offensive, like their general attitudes. Poor Lil Rodgers; I don't think he'll enjoy meeting the Brothers Bro if he gets that far.

At dinner, JoJo presses Lil Rodgers for a bit of future planning. He fails. Miserably. He comes across as having absolutely zero ties to any particular location, able to pick up and move anywhere at anytime. That might be desirable to the free-est of spirits, but it comes across as having no friends or job to hold onto. JoJo is probably influenced by her night with Robby, a man who can stop talking about his feelings no easier than he can wear socks. Lil Rodgers converts the third-and-long with an key block from JoJo-is-drunk-and-totally-into-him, and is invited to the Fantasy Suite. All this despite his first real fashion disaster. Check out the sleeves on this blazer:

Lil Rodgers skipped Robby's step of rolling up his shirt sleeves and just wore a shirt from Gap Kids.

Lil Rodgers skipped Robby's step of rolling up his shirt sleeves and just wore a shirt from Gap Kids.

JoJo and Lil Rodgers share (no really, they're shown eating!) breakfast the next morning, and JoJo confesses on camera to loving two guys at the same time. This is the same thing she criticizes Ben for, and it also excludes Chase. Looks like he'll have an uphill climb to stay on the show!

One-on-One Date with Chase

Chase continues his prolific prop usage, arriving on a motorcycle. The pair visit a fish market where Chase kisses a dead fish. Gross. I hope they gave him a chance to clean up. We get some pretty shots of Thailand, they snog, and a small boat takes them to a seclude beach. Somehow I notice for the first time that Chase looks like Bryce Harper, particularly in the facial hair department. Nothing interesting is said.

Just needs a little eye black! Don't worry, nothing interesting was said on the show while I was struck dumb with this revelation. 

Just needs a little eye black! Don't worry, nothing interesting was said on the show while I was struck dumb with this revelation. 

Before dinner can begin, Robby makes a surprise visit to JoJo's room! Unsurprisingly, he is not wearing socks. This is curious; can any contestant just stop by JoJo's room at any time? If so, why wouldn't they do it all the time? Supreme sabotage from Robby No-Socks. He says he's ready to marry her, and she seems nothing but charmed by his appearance. 

Chase and JoJo finally get to dinner, where a scared Chase lays a well-prepared speech on JoJo, earning a snog and a Fantasy Suite card. He naturally accepts and says nice things about their relationship while skirting around its consummation. Indoors, Chase drops the L bomb, they snog, and JoJo realizes Chase is in third place.

The look of regret inspired by a man confessing his love after only a couple dates.

The look of regret inspired by a man confessing his love after only a couple dates.

She excuses herself to sit outside and cry, but eventually gathers the courage to send Chase home. Knucks to you, JoJo. 

Bachelor Knucks

Of course, the break-up is still clumsy. She comforts him with a hand on the shoulder and tries to let him down easy. Chase is not thrilled with the situation, and watches her cry and verbally flail about before finally getting up to leave. C'mon Chase, throw her a bone by politely excusing yourself to the hotel bar from the jump! Chase earns a subtitle of "whimpers" as he leaves, which can't make him feel better about what happened. But wait! After another apology from JoJo, Chase pops a can of what may be beer on his way to the van! Let's go to the replay:

If that's a beer, great work by Chase. Especially because I have no idea where it came from. One minute he's whimpering, the next he's cracking open a cold one.

If that's a beer, great work by Chase. Especially because I have no idea where it came from. One minute he's whimpering, the next he's cracking open a cold one.

In the van, Chase describes the situation as "pull your pants down to kick me in the nuts", which is an awesome mental image. I assume he meant to say pull MY pants down and kick me in the nuts, removing the padding pants and underwear might offer. Instead I'm picturing JoJo dropping trow and going Draymond Green on him. I missed everything else he said while I was picturing that.

The Rose Ceremony

Shortly after Lil Rodgers and Robby No-Socks learn Chase was sent home, the recently departed himself arrives to take JoJo aside. As our two finalists literally and figuratively sweat, Chase apologizes for reacting defensively. It's a nice gesture, and very smart from a PR standpoint. They hug it out, JoJo tells Lil Rodgers and Robby No-Socks they're moving on, I finish my drink, and we're on to the finale!

Cringeworthy Quote of the Week:

"Like, when did falling in love become so hard?" - because everyone always talks about how EASY it is, right?

"Like, when did falling in love become so hard?" - because everyone always talks about how EASY it is, right?

This episode tallied 79 drinks according to the QQ Bachelorette Drinking Game, mostly from contestants telling JoJo they love her.


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